My First Blog

Emotions

Have you ever had those days where your emotions run wild?

Let me start by saying that 2019 has been a very emotional year for me. It is August and so far this year I have experienced loss, sadness, hope, excitement, anxiety, doubt, uncertainty, and joy. I know it seems like quite a few emotions and they are all over the place.

I can tell you I would NOT have made it this far without my faith in God. When things get hard, He is there. When I don’t feel like I could take another step, God carries me. When I feel lost and out of control, God is there to remind me that He is ALWAYS in control and that He has a plan for me. When I feel as if I am just going through the motions, God assures me that He is pursuing me- that He loves me and that I am NOT alone.

I mentioned that this year has had lots of emotions. I was working for a company that I dearly loved. I gave my all but missed some days due to my mom’s illness. Not long after that I found out that I had a tumor and that the cyst I had been dealing with never went away and ended up landing me in the ER. Due to my own health concerns- the company was unable to keep me past the seasonal assignment. I was devastated. God knew my devastation and He told me to be still- that He had gone before me and I would be okay.

My last day at this company was February 8th. Now- let me show you how good God is. He knew that the trials I had coming would need my undivided attention. My mom passed on February 21st. So you see, God gave me mom’s last 2 weeks. Two weeks where I could stand by her side, walk alongside of her and be present in her life. Two weeks that I will forever cherish. Two weeks of additional memories that I would have missed out on if I were working because I wouldn’t have been able to be there for her the way I was able to. God gave me two weeks of sitting by her side, by talking about God’s goodness, his grace and his mercy. God showed me the strength that he gave my mom. She battled a few forms of cancer, COPD, and had a few more things going on and yet- no matter how much pain she was in she always had a smile on her face. She would respond that she was having a good day. Not once did she complain about what she was going through. Although- she did think she had cancer in her stomach for quite some time. It wasn’t found until December of 2018.

So God not only made the way for me to be by my mom’s side, He also prepared the way for my surgery. I had to go in to have the tumor in my uterus removed along with my uterus. The doctor also removed my left ovary. When she did so, she also found that I had endometriosis. So as you see, God was protecting me and caring for me through all of this. As hard as it was for me to have surgery two weeks after my mom’s death- God was there. He showed me He was there by putting me on the same floor my mom was on a couple months before. He showed me He was there by giving me my mom’s nurse from when she was in. He gave me someone to talk to about my mom. Someone who remembered my mom and shared her memories with me. Someone who told me how much she saw my mom in me. That was a gift that God prepared for me.

God placed people in my life at just the right time. He gave me a wonderful church family whom I love dearly, He brought some of my family back together. They all came together to love and support the rest of my family with meals, love, listening ears, encouragement, and compassion during our difficult time.

Fast forward from February/March to now- August. I went back to work in May at the company that I dearly love. I had trials as I have been moving forward with this company. I have now gone through my oldest son’s wedding, moving, and my divorce. I have NOT gone through any of this alone. Though it was hard to be at my son’s wedding and not share the day with my mom; God game me the strength to get through it. God prepared me for the move I was about to make and He gave me peace for the divorce I was facing.

This goes to show how present God is in our lives. You only need to look for the blessings that He gives us. If you don’t you may miss them. So I ask that as you go through your day, try to focus on the positive things, the blessings that God gives you every day. Are you running late and stressed out? Think about what God protected you from because you were running late, or who you encountered that you normally wouldn’t have. Are you stressed because you are working with people that you may not care for or get along with? Think about the lesson God has in it for you. Maybe they need a friend, or someone to confide in. Maybe they act the way they do because of their past or personal situation and God has placed you in their life to be a witness to them, to plant a seed, to love them unconditionally.

I could go on and on, but think before you react. God gives us blessings every day.

Father God, I pray for those who read this. I pray for their hearts to be changed so they have a heart like you. I pray for their eyes to be opened to your blessings from you everyday. I ask that you give them a desire to help other people, to come alongside them. A desire to be kind to one another no matter what the situation is that they are in.

Father, I ask for your guidance; that you block the stumbling blocks that get in their path and help them to stay on the road you have prepared for us. That if they don’t know you that the seeds are planted and you use other people to water them and to help grow them.

In Your Son’s precious name we pray.

~Amen

Published by angel75eyes

I am a mother of 4 who loves Jesus!

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